After posting yesterday’s thoughts, I pondered some more about things just not being right for you.
If you can see clearly that it is not to your liking, and after much deliberation you find no better option than to choose “the next best thing,” then I find it much more productive to put my time and effort in accepting than denying that fact.
But sometimes, I do not see it that clearly. I just feel that something is not right, but I cannot quite place my finger on why I feel so. It feels like I am off one beat or out of unison by one pitch. Next, I start having trouble following the melody line. By then, the music that once sounded so soft and sweet begins to turn louder and loathful.
In the end, all I am left with is deafening, disturbing noise. I am left to wonder where it all went so terribly wrong. I look back and try to find THE point where I could have turned it around to make things different, only to be reminded that I could not place my finger on it in the first place. I am left feeling so helplessly out of control.
I suppose this is the other side of the coin to my post here. Whereas I talked in prospect there, I am speaking in retrospect now.
Maybe I could have paid more attention to the strange feeling I first felt… even if I cannot identify what exactly is not right, it is still a sign that something is not right.
Maybe I could have stopped to think and reflect on the feeling… if I had given myself a pause instead of continuing on to play the music, I could have gotten back in sync and in tune earlier.
Maybe I could have shut off the music altogether before I could not stand it any more… then I could have scavenged for some peace of mind (or spare some piece of mind).
Looking at the issue this way, there must be so many points at which to turn things around when something is just not feeling right. So many points go by us ignored, but put it the other way, we only need to become aware of any one of them to make all the difference. I just hope I awake from my ignorance before I reach the point of no return.