I received a comment on a post a few days back that became the starting point of today’s thoughts. Thank you, N!
I find it quite rare to know or remember exactly how things all got started. When I look at where I stand now and wonder how I got here, I usually cannot point out clearly where the turning points were, let alone the starting point. And even in those rare occasions that I do notice the points, it is almost always in hindsight – it is very hard to know that something is starting or turning around (for better or for worse) while I am experiencing it.
It is like sailing without the sight of Polaris, having no reference point to which I look to guide you through the open water. I cannot tell where I am now or which way to head. I cannot tell if I am staying on route or drifting away. I cannot tell if I am lost or not. And even if I know, I cannot tell others to come save me because I have no idea where I am.
But, everything must have a starting point somewhere. And when I am fortunate enough to have starting points that stand out, I should keep them where I can see them, no matter how excrutiatingly embarrassing they are to look at.
Maybe because they will tell me how far I have come… to stand at where I am now.
Maybe because they will tell me which is the right way for me… to stand my ground.
Maybe because they will tell me how much I have weathered… to stand the test of time.
And when I feel like I cannot take another step forward, maybe they will remind me of the distance, the direction, and the difficulties I have gone through to get to where I stand now, giving me the courage to stand and keep walking on my own two feet.
Then, maybe I will be found by someone who will be kind enough to stand and walk by me… I just hope I won’t die of embarrassment from revealing my starting points before I am found!