No, no, I haven’t got it wrong – it goes this way for me.
I have mentioned before that I tend to be a slow mover. I hardly ever do things I cannot compute any possible outcomes. I think, then I think a little more, then think some more – each time I think, I come up with new reasons not to act just yet. I go to so much trouble articulating, I sometimes exhaust myself before I even get started.
But often times, when I do finally get started, I end up wondering why I did not start sooner. I usually have great fun, I get to feel capable actually doing things, and I never want to stop. So, knowing all this, why am I still a slow mover after all this time?
Maybe I hold too high an expectation for myself.
I want to be perfect at everything I do… I want to succeed at everything I take on… I have to be in control of everything around me… But that’s impossible! I know I am not almighty, and yet I still choose to aim so high, so of course there will be failures. It may sting, but I have to make myself face setbacks so I can learn from them.
Maybe I get overwhelmed and intimidated too easily.
I am not the best at what I do… I may not even be in the better half of what I do… I would probably get lost and not even be noticed among so many other more talented ones… But that’s not new! I know I am not gifted, and yet I still choose to do what I do, so of course there will be challenges. It may be scary, but I have to make myself face my fears so I can become stronger on the inside.
Maybe I worry too much about how others would react.
What if people won’t approve of what I do… What if people won’t like me for who I am… what if people try to hurry me off from where I am… But that’s unpredictable! I know I am not lovable to all, and yet I still choose to mingle, so of course there will be rejections. But although it may be scarce, I have to make myself face the crowd so I can become seen and find people who will like me even if I am a slow mover.
I had almost forgotten that I created this place for myself to allow myself to be a slow mover – exploring the many “maybe’s” of things, that ought to slow me down! But no matter how much time I take to face the setbacks, the fears, and the crowd, I feel I am slowly but surely procrastinating less and progressing more doing the things I do here. I am finding out every day that it really is easier done than said for me.
So, thank you so very much to all who visit! You make it easier for me to just do before I get entangled in my search for words.