Thoughts for No One in Particular

Understanding the mind

I’m sorry if you stopped by earlier and found nothing to read. I had a very lousy day today but did not wish for you to see me scribble vindictively, so I had to take a little extra time to first understand myself why I felt the way I did before I could even attempt to organize my thoughts into sentences.

 

I usually do not mind too much not being understood. I know I am not the easiest to understand. I have an upbringing that needs some explaining, and a personality that needs even more. I have feelings and thoughts that are sometimes difficult to understand even for me, so I would not ask others to understand them any better.

 

I do not even mind so much when people pretend to understand. I know we have a different set of beliefs and values and experiences, and they do not overlap completely, so there must be some assuming and imagining and simulating. But in pretending, I sense an effort by them to understand me – that is more than I could ever ask for.

 

So, I mind very much when people do not even give me a chance to be understood. They think they know me already, sometimes before we have even met, and decide they do not need to understand me any further. They impose their expectations I never asked for based on what they think they know about me, and wonder why I never live up to them.

 

Maybe I am different from what you think I am.

Maybe I have changed from what you thought I was.

Maybe I never existed the way you thought I did.

 

Maybe all I really mind is that you let me ask for your understanding that I want to matter to you just the way I am. Then I really will not mind if you never understand me or only pretend to understand me.

 

Oh, I better not forget to thank everyone who come here and show me your understanding without my asking. You really blow my mind away!

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