This past weekend, I had a few things I thought of doing.
Maybe I will go to an event nearby that is held only once a year… I found out about it on the newspaper and it looked really interesting.
Maybe I will take a walk and see some flowers in bloom… I saw on the news it may be a really good time to enjoy some wisteria and iris.
Maybe I will check out the line-ups of a big classical music festival coming up… I went last year and I really liked it, so I would really love it if I could get tickets.
But after quite a bit of thinking, I ended up doing none of them.
I woke up early enough to go to the event nearby, but I was not feeling up to it any more… oh well, maybe next year.
The place I thought of going to see wisteria and iris is famous for them, so it might be very crowded… oh well, maybe some other day.
I asked a friend to come with me to the music festival, but she told me she had already made other plans… oh well, maybe last year was enough.
This is actually a very typical weekend for me. I like to find out the things I can do on my free time, and I write them down in my agenda. The whole time leading up to them I constantly contemplate whether to do or not to do them. But in most cases, I choose not to do them after all and find myself crossing them out.
I think I know why it is, at least for myself. I often find that, when I contemplate whether to do or not to do, I am looking for excuses not to do. I am not a very social or outgoing person, so I would either have to have an overwhelming urge or made a promise I cannot break to go out. And even then, I look for ways out up until the last moment.
So why do I put myself through such agony every weekend?
Maybe it is because I know that, when I do end up going out, I am really glad I did. Nothing I fear or worry happens – I suffer no “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” I usually have a wonderful time and wonder why I do not go out more often.
Then, maybe “to do or not to do” is not the question I should be asking myself.
Maybe in asking this question, I am already feeling hesitant to go out, and unconsciously leading myself to fail yet again.
Maybe the more appropriate question I should be posing is “how to be to make it be?”
Maybe if I can come up with ways to entice and enable myself to go out before I become hesitant and start making excuses, then I can quit being my own obstacle from having success in going out. And I can finally feel better about myself, for succeeding, and for having fun!
We have a long weekend and consecutive holidays in the middle of a week coming up. I have lots of things I can do on these days written down in my agenda. Maybe it is as good a time as ever to stop asking whether to do or not to do, and see if I can change the way I think to get myself out there.
If I am successful at “how to be to make it be”, you will be sure to find out here!