I am not very good at showing I care. When I was younger, I was a baby needing a lot of care to many people around me, so they did not expect me to care for them. I did not quite understand that others had needs and wants just as much as I did, so I did not bother to ask if they needed to be cared for. As a child, I did not learn to be caring.
It does not help that I am not very good at interacting with others. It takes a lot of effort for me to talk to people I do not know. So, even if I saw someone looking for an open seat, for example, I would take too much time to find the courage to give mine up for them, someone else would have acted faster and be thanked for. For a long time, I believed I was an uncaring person because I could not show I cared in those rare occasions I actually did care.
By making myself think that I was an uncaring person, every time I failed to act in a caring way, I just figured it simply confirmed the fact that I was uncaring. It let me stop being jealous of those who could act caringly and free me of feeling distressed from not being to act the same way.
But, I have come to realize that this belief is just an excuse for myself from trying to be caring. I realized this when I saw a certain couple kneel down to talk to the elders so they would not get tired standing up. The couple are so noble and highly respected, and being in their eighties themselves, no one would have expected them to kneel down to others… but they did, without any hesitation.
Their gesture of care required no words nor interaction. They opened up a whole new possibility for me to show I cared. And when I found this alternative, I felt a big relief – I realized that, deep down, I did not want to believe I was uncaring.
Today, I am still not very good at showing I care. I am still usually too slow to act and my subtle gesture of care goes unnoticed most of the time… for example, instead of sitting in a seat until I see someone in need, I now casually stand in front of it to guard it from being occupied by the less needy ones. And every time I do this, it confirms the fact that I can be caring, even if others fail to see it. I can now believe, from deep down, that I am learning to be caring.
Maybe you have a negative belief about yourself that lets you stay the way you are?
But maybe it is really only an excuse for you not to try to change for the better?
I’ll tell you this: the negative belief may comfort you in some way for the time being, but it would make you feel sooooo much better for a much longer time when you prove it wrong.
Maybe what you need to believe in, first and foremost, is yourself… that you can be whoever you really want to be, deep down.