Thoughts for Myself

Mind to own

I am not much of a socializer. I mean, I do business socializing if it cannot be avoided, but hardly ever any casual “wanna grab a bite to eat?” or “up for a drink tonight?”… well, rarely initiated by me, anyway. Can you tell I have very little friends?

 

That is not to say that I do not care to socialize. We humans are social beings, and as one of them, I understand the necessity to socialize – I would be making life difficult for myself if I tried to live in isolation. I also know that socializing can be quite pleasant and enjoyable if done with the right kind of people for you. And I see that the only way to find out who these people are is by socializing.

 

So I appreciate those who make the first move and engage me in their social outings. They are nice people for asking me. Nicer than me, for sure… I hardly ever ask them! But sometimes it makes me wonder if they are truly nice people simply wanting to have a good time together, or people pretending to be nice so they can have a good time with me.

 

Do they really believe I will have fun being a part of them?

Will they let me choose which activities I will join them in?

Will they respect my decision to leave without retaliatory actions?

 

Will they allow me a mind of my own?

 

Maybe I am being too skeptical of those who want to interact with me.

Maybe I am being too choosy of those who I want to have around me.

Maybe I am being too judgmental of those who come in contact with me.

 

But I do not want to be in a social circle where I am put under scrutiny, given no autonomy, or irrespective of others’ wishes, overtly or covertly. And I do not want others to see me belonging to it.

 

If that makes me to be not much of a socializer, so be it. If I have fewer friends because of it, I will live with that. And if people tell me I am not being nice for rejecting their niceness, I shall tell them to “mind your own business.” But in a nice way, of course.

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3 thoughts on “Mind to own

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