I first met it when I was two years old, and I fell in love with it instantly (or so I am told… my memory does not go that far back). I could not keep my hands off of it, and I was all over it. One time, I was shaken off of it pretty bad – I still have a little scar to show for it! – but that did not keep me away from it. I was back in its face soon after, and nobody could separate us. But I had to wait another four years before I could really get to know it, because that was the rule where I lived at that time.
No worries, time only made my love for it grow stronger. My mother discouraged me from getting involved with it numerous times, telling me I would not be able to stand it in rough times (because she could not). But I kept telling her it had already won my heart over and I could never come to hate it. When I finally got to interact with it, I was a lot more patient and determined to stick with it than many others of my age who came in contact with it.
Maybe they had begun communicating with it ahead of me.
Maybe they were more skilled and experienced at talking to it.
Maybe some of them even had talent to get the exact response they wanted out of it.
Maybe I could never catch up to them, and maybe that caused much frustration and anguish in me.
My mother was partly right – we had a lot of rough times together and there were points at which I almost could not stand it. I even flirted with something similar in some way to it, and got involved with another that let me forget it! But, in the end, I was right – it always had a place in my heart and there was no way I could hate it. In hindsight, even the flirt and the involvement with others were all paths that led right back to it… the former for its very similarities, and the latter for reminding me every step of the way.
Maybe I knew before I could comprehend that my heart would be set the moment I met it.
Maybe I felt deep down in my heart it was the thing that would make my life richer and fuller.
And maybe if I look hard enough, I will find it engraved on my heart to always show my way back to it no matter how far I wander off.
I am no longer with it, because that is the rule where I live now. I feel sand and lonely without it being by my side all the time. But absence only makes the heart grow fonder. I find solace and comfort in knowing that I can fall back on it whenever I want or need. And that makes me a little less scared and a little more confident to let my heart take me wherever it desires… because even if everything goes wrong, the worst that can be is being back with it, which I love with all my heart!
So, what is the always dependable “it,” you ask? For me, it is piano. (And just to clarify, the flirt was with violin and the involvement was with crocheting.) But, I am quite certain there is an “it” for each and every one of us – what is yours?
A last note: Thank you H.N., my father’s most favourite compatriot pianist, for your passionate yet sensitive sound… without your influence on him, my piano and me would have had a much rougher time getting together.