Suppose there was an individual who caused something bad to happen, but saved it from becoming worse. Would you demand an apology for causing something bad to happen, or would you give praise for saving it from becoming worse?
Maybe it depends on your involvement.
If you are the individual in question, maybe you would want to emphasize your part in making the situation less worse than it could have been… maybe you will even believe that you were able to find a silver lining in the something bad and therefore deserve a praise.
But if you are on the receiving end, maybe it does not matter how much worse it could have been, since you are already in a worse situation than before something bad happened… maybe you will feel you deserve an apology for the physical and/or mental pain inflicted by the individual, regardless of intent (even if the something bad happened by accident or through negligence, if causation can clearly be traced back to the individual, maybe you will want to see some form of admittance of responsibility for your suffering).
And if you are a third party not directly involved in the situation, but witnessed everything that went on?
Maybe you are in no position to judge one way or another.
But maybe you are in a position where you can take both sides’ perspectives.
And maybe you will see that both of them are quite egocentric – they are unable to assume any perspective other than their own, like preschool children.
Does not the individual in question sound a bit like a little boy who does not doubt getting a smile from someone to whom he has given his most favourite toy, which he thinks is the best choice for a gift? He is by no means selfish, but he just cannot conceive that others may not like the same things he does.
And does not the one on the receiving end resemble somewhat a little girl who becomes upset at, and will not forgive, someone who would not play house according to her setting and scenario? It is not that she is self-absorbed, she simply cannot comprehend that others may not share her thoughts on how the story should unfold.
So, are they unable to understand that “what you see is not what I see”?
In developmental psychology, it was first thought, by the likes of Swiss child development research pioneer J.P., that preschool children typically do not possess the cognitive abilities to distinguish between subjective and objective views, and therefore, act as though everything works the way they expect them to. But it is now believed that, with the aid of age-appropriate prompts and props, they are able to show signs of understanding of others’ points of view.
Then, maybe it is up to the third party witnesses who can see both sides’ perspectives to give prompts and props to each side, in the shapes and forms that can be understood by each, to allow them to see what the other is seeing, and guide them to a settlement they can both see as plausible.
I am sure that is what we all wish to see.
Do you see what I see with today’s piece – the crooked chains under the bottom left rings of the three rings at the points of the snowflake? It was unavoidable with the technique I used (making the ring-on-ring portion with the bottom ring as self-closing mock ring) but I am not at all pleased with how it looks! I am thinking of redoing it using another technique (loop-tatted ring on ring, but it seems awfully difficult!) if I can find the time…