Thoughts for Myself

Though I cannot go with you…

Got them done just in time… PHEW!

 

gloves_for_auntie_k

(Hand model: rubber gloves…lol)

 

This was a very challenging project for me.

 

Technically, the motif that I used only required simple skills, but I had difficulty understanding the instructions at first, and it kept frilling and flopping until I got passed midway so I was constantly worried that I was not tatting correctly. I had additional problems converting it (originally a pattern for a doily) into gloves, all the while meeting a strict deadline. And I was overly nervous about working with white thread… my nerves were worn out trying to keep it uncontaminated by dust and hand sweat!

 

But what was more difficult was facing the many emotions that came and went while I was tatting. Maybe it was disbelief that my dear great aunt, for whom I was making these gloves, had passed away so soon so unexpectedly. Maybe it was sadness that I have lost someone who loved me as if I was her own grandchild. Maybe it was regret that I had not seen or talked to her as often as I could have in recent years. And maybe it was a little bit of anger that I did not get to say a proper good-bye.

 

Nevertheless, I am very glad I took on this challenging project. Over the past week, my great aunt was making her way to the Styx – and maybe through this project, I was walking along with her. Maybe I held onto her hand firmly the entire time so she would not feel lost. Maybe I held conversations with her, reminiscing about all the memories we shared, so she would not feel alone. Maybe I held the water for both of us so neither one of us would feel scared.

 

Well, the Styx is in front of us today. Beyond this point, I cannot go with you. As much as I want to keep holding onto you, I know I have to let you go on your own. As much as I worry about sending you off alone because you have never been on trips of such length and distance, I know it is a journey you have to make by yourself. But I hope the gloves I put on you today, with all my warm thoughts for you woven in, will aid in protecting you from all evil spirits that will try to pull you astray and get you straight to where great uncle is.

 

Thank you for a lovely final week we had together, and I wish you a safe journey ahead. Rest in peace, Auntie K… love you always.

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9 thoughts on “Though I cannot go with you…

    1. Thank you for your kind words, toomanystitches – I’m very touched! I’m doing surprisingly well, maybe having worked through my emotions while tatting. There are many flaws if you look closer (hence, no close-up photos!), but I like to think I achieved what I aimed for 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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