Maybe it is useless trying to analyze why you love something or someone.
Maybe that inexplicable affection and unquestioned affirmation is more than enough to prove you are in love.
Nevertheless, do you not wonder sometimes why you love what you love so much?
And do you not wander in your thoughts aimlessly, looking for some kind of explanation?
Well, I do. Quite a lot, as I pride myself in being a ponderer… I must let myself drift in my thoughts like flower floating on flowing water, exploring until I find the one “maybe” that rings true!
And this time, I am pondering about my love for this:
Finally, a new publication of Kakuro! Well, not exactly new, as it is a reprint of the earliest editions that had gone out of print, but it got me excited all the same. (It actually became available a while back, but I had to put it aside for this… now, I have dropped all shuttles for a pencil!) I love it so much, I cannot stop thinking about it while I am awake, and I even dream about it in my sleep!
But this time, I find myself spending much time on why I love it so much, maybe because I am solving the puzzles I must have solved at least once before and I still enjoy them as though I am solving them for the first time. Ah, the inexplicable affection and unquestioned affirmation – evidence that I am truly in love… but why?
Maybe because it makes me feel I am good with numbers, when I have never been good with arithmetic?
Maybe because it fascinates me how numbers can add up or be broken down to make another in a predetermined way, making it a game of memory rather than of mathematics, which I am much better at?
Or maybe because it satisfies me greatly when I am able to solve them in a way that all the numbers naturally fall into places where they belong as my pencil moves across, like flowers floating on flowing water reaching their final destination?
Oh, then, maybe I love it because it is an ideal representation of my philosophy!
And maybe I fall in love with it all over again no matter how old it gets because it keeps challenging me to think to seek the ideal, not easily settling for less.
Hmm, maybe I have caught a glimpse of what true love is – it is not only your ideal for the here and now, it makes you want to keep it your ideal near and far.
I think I quite like this “maybe.” Maybe it does not give a complete view of true love, but it suggests an analysis on it from time to time is not totally useless… you can be in love and be level-headed at the same time!
Now, would you say I am over-analyzing and have lost my mind if I added that the word for “sum,” the distinguishing feature of this number play, in my mother tongue also means “peace” or “harmony,” another ideal I seek to find in myself and around the world?
Maybe they too are like floating flowers on flowing water, but they are to be valued without explanation and desired without question, and I would truly love to see them fall into places where they belong, like the numbers in Kakuro puzzles.
Grand ideal, I know, but I do not wish to settle for any less.