My sincerest apologies for my disappearing act!!
Life has been overwhelmingly demanding as of late and I seem to be constantly irritated, looking for somewhere or someone to take it out on. So when I realized I was starting to vent my frustration here, scribbling angrily about anything and everything, I got scared I might pollute this place with ill thoughts… and the next thing I knew, I could not scribble a word here no matter how hard I tried.
For the past couple of weeks, I had thoughts I wanted to scribble about every day. I had some truly enlightening and empowering experiences I wanted to share here. But I just could not bring myself to put them into words, fearing that they would come out all wrong if I did.
Maybe I am having writer’s block, or shall I say “scribbler’s choke,” as I am merely a scribbler. I never imagined I would have it, for the very reason I call myself not a writer but a scribbler is to be free of the pressure to be creative and keep producing words. Never once did I think that scribbling would turn from being a stress reliever / remover to the very cause / source of stress!
When I did not have it, I thought I could go on living without scribbling if I ever had it. I thought I could always turn to something else to fill its role, and I believed I had (or will very easily find) many other things to turn to. Maybe I would feel a little dejected that I could not scribble any more, but I thought I would not be too unhappy about it.
But boy, was I wrong! I have come to see that scribbling has always been an integral and essential part of my life, I am currently feeling quite devastated that I am unable to scribble, and I am extremely unhappy about it. It has become the very cause / source of great stress as of late, but it has always been a cause / source of much greater (though very subtle) happiness!
Maybe my people affected by the big earthquakes last April are feeling the same way about their hometowns. Maybe before the disaster, they thought they could go on living even if their homes were suddenly lost. Maybe they thought they could turn to somewhere else to live just the same. Maybe they would feel a little dejected to see their history vanish, but not be too unhappy about seeing outdated customs and unwanted ties perish.
But maybe, as stressful as the life before earthquakes may have been, their hometowns were still their biggest cause / source of happiness. And maybe that is why they are working extra hard to rebuild their hometowns – to rediscover what has always made them happy right in their hometowns that cannot be substituted by something else found somewhere else.
Maybe they are, and I am, looking for the blue birds of happiness… happiness that the Belgian playwright M.M. tells us in his play L’O. B. has always been with us. And maybe they are at the moment pale or only partially visibly blue, but when they finally reveal their entire selves, I would like to think that they will appear bluer than ever to all our eyes, including to those around us.
So, maybe you can join me in sending blue birds of happiness to my people (and me, maybe)?
As with all but one previous get well messages which started with sending flower power, nothing special or extraordinary is asked of you. Only that, if you have already caught sight of your blue bird of happiness, or have experienced (and even overcome) writer’s block, or both, you would kindly share it with my people and me.
Maybe you can tell me about your blue bird of happiness in the comments below?
Once again, please do not go out of your way – I do not wish to be the cause / source of additional stress to you. But if it helps to make your blue bird appear bluer by talking about it, you are always welcome to do so here!
My deepest gratitude to anyone and everyone who has waited for me to resurface here! I am still scared of unleashing my most negative thoughts in my scribbles, but after catching a glimpse of my blue bird of scribble happiness, I am feeling a little more hopeful that I will find something positive as I put them into words. I am still very much pale and only minimally visibly blue, but I would like to think that my posts going forward will appear bluer than before as you read through them!